Learning to cook again...

Truth be told, I've not done a great deal of cooking since mom died. I know it's been over four years and I have cooked in that timeframe. I just don't feel it can be said that I've done it on a real consistent basis and it seems it's just a few things that I do cook. In that time I've made countless pots of chili--cause it's quick and easy and I'll have something for a few days (another dilemma in my cooking....I'll be eating the same thing for days). There's also numerous hamburger helper dinners. The rotation (and I use that term loosely) includes sausage and fried potatoes on occasion and an occasional roast or perhaps hambuger steaks. There are even times I've resorted to just frying some bacon and fixing some toast (that seems to be a recent thing as I have gone months without eating bacon). And heaven only knows the number of times I've resorted to just eating out-usually fast food though that goes in cycles too...numerous pizzas, countless chicken strip dinners from Hartz and more burgers than I can comprehend--and that's just what I can get locally.

But tonight I had a friend/coworker join me for dinner. We were talking yesterday and I commented about a roast I had gotten that I needed to cook this week--most likely today. So she told me good, she'd be over for dinner. I think initially she was joking but I took her seriously and even called to confirm. So last night I got myself in gear and cleaned off my dining table and even picked up a bit. At lunch I ran by the grocery store because I was out of a few things I would need and after work I came home and finished up the meal. We sat down around six thirty-ish to beef roast, mashed potatoes, green beans, pickled beets and hot rolls. And maybe it was me, or the fact I haven't had that particular meal in a while but it all seemed to taste better with someone else there. And since she stays in town after work on Wednesday nights waiting for her neices she says I can cook for her more. So maybe I'll start remembering how to cook.

...and Willy somewhat behaved himself....

Feels like another long one...

Although it's Tuesday night it still feels like a long week with f-o-r-e-v-e-r to go till the weekend. As if the stress level wasn't high enough at work we're dealing with a consultant who will be in and out till spring break so it adds to everyone's stress. For me personally it has me doing a lot of questioning of myself which makes awaiting the results nearly brutal. We know they'll find something because afterall that's what they're in business to do. I'm just concerned about the ramificcations of what they find. Oh the joys of stress.....

Monday, Monday...

Just another manic Monday.....ok so maybe not so manic but Monday none-the-less. As usual this morning consisted of the strong desire to stay in bed but of course I couldn't. The weekend was just busy enough to eat up huge chunks of time which meant little to no down time/couch time. The best part of the weekend was the girl-friend time. Sometimes it seems I'm so far away from everyone so having time to just hang out with the girls is a real treat. And we get to do it all again next Saturday. Spring break is just around the corner too--thank goodness.

Busy Weekend...

Commitments both days this weekend.....Robin's Close to My Heart Party tomorrow and Shop Hop with the girls on Sunday. Granted I've had busier weekends but these two events will take a good chunk of the weekend. I'm looking forward to both...just wishing I'd have more money to play with. Such is life....

Sofa Shopping...

As I turned into my parking spot this afternoon I noticed a Lacks truck at the other end of the drive. Someone else nearby has gotten a Lacks delivery. I say this because it seems over the last two to three weeks there has been a Lacks truck delivering something at least one or two days each week to various people. Seeing the truck made me decide at that moment that it is time for me to shop for a new sofa, couch, divan, whatever word you choose.

My current sofa is probably at least fifteen years old, possibly older. I remember going to purchase it at Friendly Furniture over on Broadway (yes, in the hood). My parents had done business with Friendly as my mother called him--the owner--his name was actually Yale for many, many years. He still offered credit and he held the note. No big financing companies. Anyway, after a few years of a second-hand sofa (bought off Robin's parents for $75) we decided it was time for a new sofa. And since I finally had a full time job I could handle the payments. So we went to see Friendly and got a new sofa--I don't even recall the monthly payment amount but I do recall it was after I had finished paying off the bed I bought. I think mom may have even made a payment or two but am not certain. Now walking into Friendly's was not walking into say a Fingers or Star where everything was modern and interior decorator 'friendly'--unless you were doing ghetto chic. In fact most people I know probably wouldn't have given his merchandise a second look but there we were. Don't get me wrong, it's fine quality just not what one (me especially) might consider modern. So anyway I have this blue sofa with a subtle floral print. It sounds worse than it is, really. But it does not in any way match the rest of my furniture. Hell, I don't think it matched it even back then.

So fast forward to now. I have an oversized red microsuede chair I bought early 2003 (got a good deal at Foleys) and a forest green recliner that was purchased for mom as a mother's day I think in 2000. And this blue thing. Now Willy loves it because it has a high back and he loves sleeping up there. I however hate the fact that the cushions shift so much that sitting on it for an extended period of time creates gaps between the cushions. And to me it's just not as comfortable as I might like. I does still seem to be in good shape but I just really am feeling it's worn--not to mention I don't like that it doesn't fit with my other furniture.

Now my point...I think I will finally break down and do some sofa shopping. Spring break (three weeks away) seems to be a perfect time to do it. Maybe, just maybe I'll find something affordable that I like (and that Willy will like too).

Couldn't do it....

I wanted to go to book club last night....I came close but finally made the decision to skip it. Once I got home from the office I was beat. It had been an emotionally draining day because of all the evaluation activity. No only did I have mine but I had to do those for the employees I surpervise. I think I was in worse shape doing theirs than I was sitting through mine (since mine pretty much happened as a result of the comment 'we can do your's whenever you want' and I said I'd rather just get it over right then if possible. That was it---here's the form, not many changes from last year, of course you know we've been directed that we can't rate anyone too high, yadda, yadda, yadda, boom it was over. Painless--thankfully.

Anyway, I got home feeling worn out and finally changed into comfy clothes. After a short rest I was still trying to make a decision. Knowing I needed to get gas I went to do that and figured I'd make a decision once the tank was full. The thought of not getting home till nearly 10p or possibly later and knowing I needed to do a few things at home I opted for a trip to Walmart to pick up a few needed things. Once I finally got home and took care of switching out the litter box I spent the remainder of the evening parked on the couch flipping through the new magazines in yesterday's mail. I hit the bed right about 10p and was out the minute my head hit the pillow.

Survived!!!

Had my evaluation first thing this morning and thankfully all my jitters in that area were for nothing. I still however have one more hurdle....and that's having a contract extension sent to the board and approved. Heaven knows, anything can happen there. So that means at least one more month of nervousness but at least I (think) I'm past the point of being verbally reprimanded for anything.

Now it's on to all the work on my desk. And to make the decision about tonight. I feel like I can breathe a bit for the first time in a while...

Go or no??

I wasn't able to attend book club on Sunday as I normally would due to having to work. So, I am contemplating whether or not I want to attend Tuesday evening. On the go side, I'll see friends I seldom see and I'll be able to pick up the new kit. On the no side I won't get home till late. On the fence..... I'll see how tomorrow goes at the office and how tired I am then make a decision.

As for the cheese fries, I decided it was too late on Sunday evening to go traipsing in. Additionally, I didn't need the fries. Instead I went to a friend's to visit and then took myself to dinner locally at Los Cucos...not great food but I do like their homemade tortillas.

Send me some good vibes...

My evaluation will take place some time this week and I'm a nervous wreck.

Dreaming of (bad food choices for) dinner...

For about a week now I've been c-r-a-v-i-n-g cheese fries from Salt Grass Steakhouse. Yes, specific cheese fries. Now I've only come close once to realizing this desire. Wednesday night I ran into Sugar Land but with it being the day before valentines plus not getting away from the office till nearly 5:30p, the parking lot was P-A-C-K-E-D so I opted to skip it and just run my errands. In fact, I'm not sure that even actually ate that evening.

So fast forward to today. I am now home from the required work which actually took place in Richmond. The smart thing would have been for me to drive myself and then go to Salt Grass after. Nope. I caught a ride because I honestly thought I could overcome the cheese fry desire plus I thought just maybe I'd do something once I got home...like laundry or any other number of things I should have already tackled this weekend. So now I'm home....it's 5:45p and I'm hungry. And the thought of cheese fries continues to dance in my head. As I sit here trying to rationalize with myself that I should stay home the thought of Outback (which is a bit further than Salt Grass) and their coconut shrimp and cheese fries has popped into my head.

Now, I need cheese fries like I need a hole in my head. But oh YUM...I really, really, really want them. I rationalied last week that I could get them this week. And now I'm on the cusp of Monday and I still haven't fulfilled the wish. And as time ticks away I still cannot make myself stop thinking of them! I blame my mother. I can hear her telling me to get them since I want them. I hear rationale telling me I do not need them, that it's silly to drive in this late in the day when there are so many things yet to be done and that I'll be tired when I get back and it'll be late so I'll accomplish nothing but I also hear rationale telling me I have to do something about dinner. Oh decisions, decisions....

Best of Intentions...

As I've written about on numerous occassions, I've had the best of intentions of getting various things done. Of how I would spend my time. And as has become my norm, I've fallen short. Maybe it's human nature. Or maybe it's just my human nature. I ran to Richmond yesterday to shop a little and got home around 3p in anticipation of the coming storm which according the news would start about that time. I had aspirations of spending the rest of the afternoon and evening doing a few things around here....I did nothing. My next thought was that if I got up early this morning I could do a few things before having to work this afternoon. I've been up since about 8a and here it is just before 10a and thus far I've only managed to eat breakfast and play on the internet. So now I'm going to have to kick it into high gear to find something to wear and be ready by 1p for work and hope to be home by 5p so the rest of the evening won't be a total waste (unless I manage to that which given my track record is likely). Times like this are not the times I want time to fly (with the exception of working this afternoon).

Vivd memories...

Memory...

Have you ever been doing something...maybe sitting around doing nothing...and suddenly you start to remember something from your past? In this case, a particular place you've been (and maybe long to be again). I mention this because I often find myself daydreaming back to places I've been and I can vividly see the place in my mind. I can recall nearlly every detail but most intersting to me is that I see the place as though I am there at that moment. It's always a place I have been and a place that holds good, fun memories. And maybe it is where I long to be at that moment because when this happens I am almost surprised at how I feel at that moment thinking of the place. To be honest, the place I see myself most is usually somewhere in/around Branson. And it's not at some show. It's usually on one of the roads of rolling hills with the windows down and sunny skies~without a care in the world. I find it especially amusing seeing myself there because for years my mom often suggested Branson as a trip destination and I'd blow her off because the reputation the town had as a 'senior destination'. Plus I never really recalled much about the one trip we made in the early 80's--nothing had stood out in my mind. And then in 2002, something changed. Out of the blue I suggested Branson-maybe it was destiny stepping in. We went....we went back....and we spent a few days of our final time together there. It became almost a magical place for me. The fresh air, the slower pace, the beauty. I think it's why I find myself drawn back and continue to go. When I'm there I feel as though I don't have a care in the world other than where I might eat or just how I will fill my days. There are no deadlines, no responsibilities.

I bring all this up because as I sit here contemplating all to be done today and the time slipping away from me, my mind drifted back to a trip in fall of 2005 when I went to Corsicana and then over to Lufkin for a few days (the picture above was taken on one of the roads between the two). As I thought of this trip I could vividly see details....the roads, the hotel, the sunshine. But as mentioned, this is not the first time I've had such vivd memories and true they often are of Branson. Wish I were there now....

It may be 5 o'clock somewhere....

...but not here.

One Day Closer to Friday...

THANK GOODNESS!!! Everyone's all abuzz about it being Valentines but in my calendar it's just another Thursday which also means it's one day closer to Friday. I wish I could say I had grand plans for the weekend but I don't. Other than some down time--and having to work Sunday--I'm just looking forward to spending some time doing nothing. And I'm also noticing a pattern here in that suddenly I seem to be spending a great deal of time doing nothing. Perhaps it's my attempt at making up for all the time I couldn't do nothing because I was taking mom to one doctor appointment or treatment or another.

The other possibility on my agenda?...getting a haircut. I've been holding out, putting it off thinking I would let my hair grow but now it's starting to really look shaggy and be a bit of pain when it comes to washing and drying and trying to actually do something with it. I'm not ready to go short, just trimmed and cleaned up a bit. As warmer weather approaches I really relish the idea of being able to pull it back in a ponytail. So if I make the leap I've got make certain it's not too drastic. Decisions, decisions....

Misery Loves Company...

...and from the looks of reading a few other blogs, there are others who are feeling some level of misery. Seems several of us have had some crappy times/days lately. Here's hoping for better days. In the meantime, I'll leave you with this funny just sent to me:

The doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cureyour headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition,which causes your testicles to press on your spine,and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is toremove the testicles.'Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he hadanything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.When he left the hospital he was without a headachefor the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing animportant part of himself. As he walked down the street, he saw a men's clothing store and thought, 'That's what I need - a new suit. He entered the shop and told the salesman, 'I'd like a new suit.' The elderly tailor said, 'Let's see... size 44 long.' Joe laughed, 'That's right, how did you know?' Been in the business 60 years!' the tailor said.Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, 'How about a new shirt?'Joe thought for a moment and then said, 'Sure.' The salesman eyed Joe and said, 'Let's see, 34 sleeve and 16-1/2 neck.' Joe was surprised, 'That's right, how did you know?' 'Been in the business 60 years!'Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. Joe walked around the shop and the salesman asked, 'How about some new underwear?'Joe thought for a second and said, 'Sure.' The salesman eyed Joe's waist and said, 'Let's see...size '36.'Joe laughed 'Ah ha! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old.'The salesman shook his head, 'You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base ofyour spine and give you one hell of a headache.'

New suit = $400
New shirt = $ 36
New underwear = $ 6
Second opinion: PRICELESS

Caught a break...

Fortunately I managed to get between the rounds of showers and made it to and from Bay City before the downpour began. I was even able to make a quick run through the grocery store for a few staples: milk, juice, cat food. Unfortunately that late in the day the meat selection sucks at best so no meat. After dropping the goods at home I ordered a pizza and picked it up as the rain began. By the time it hit full force I was in my jammies munching on pepperoni pizza with enough left for a couple more meals (the Monday night 7.99 large one topping pizza is a deal).

Crappy Weather....crappy mood...

That pretty much sums it all up. It's Monday which means my weekly chiropractor appointment but in this weather I don't much want to go. As it was I slid down the highway at lunch and don't want to do that again. I was hoping the nasty stuff will hold off till later tonight--guess not. Now to decide if I risk life and limb to go to Bay City-hoping the worst will blow through before or after--or do I reschedule? Which brings the other dilemma.

After a weekend of sulking I've about talked myself into taking myself out to dinner tonight. Afterall, there are not groceries at home and going to the store after work (even after a chiro visit) is not my idea of fun. And here I've been thinking of Salt Grass and their cheese fries...

So now my question...

Is it paranoia or premonition that I'm feeling?? Either way, I don't like it.

Can't decide....

While hurt I can't decide if I'm more angry or numb over the events of Friday. It's one of those situations where you do everything or almost everything and yet it still isn't enough. Because someone didn't get what they wanted suddenly I'm the bad guy and false accusations are made. And I'm left wondering about my future. I guess it's time to start to job hunt and this is where the anger comes in. If leaving appears to be the best option, it's still somewhat on their terms...because I've been forced. I want to leave on my own terms....and I'm not feeling ready to leave despite the turn of events. And so I am angry and numb-hurt. And I think of numerous friends and colleagues because events of the past few months have not been good. So many of my friends have lost their job and those who haven't are seeing writing on the wall and are (undrestandably) nervous. No matter how you look at it, it's not a pretty picture. I thought living on pins and needles was behind me but apparently I was terribly, terribly wrong. It's as though I'm in a vicious circle and as soon as it appears I'm about to get out, the vortex sucks me in again. It's been and ugly weekend.....

False Accusations...

Lucky me. Once again I've been accused of something I did not do. I have no problem owning up to mistakes but when I'm accused of something I did not do it's too much. What makes it worse is when the person receiving the complaint acts as though I'm guilty. And telling my side appears to be brushed aside. Forget innocent until proven guitly. It's just guilty, end of conversation. And now I live with a black cloud over my head when I've done nothing wrong. So for me, it's been a miserable Friday...

Productive....

I tried to be productive and accomplish something tonight other than sit mindlessly on the couch watching reruns. Once I got in I fixed some hamburger helper (even though I wasn't really hungry) and made some lemon tarts (took a while to find mom's recipe and hope I didn't botch it--it's difficult when you have questions and can't ask...I guess I haven't used the recipe since she's been gone...).

After that I tried printing a few pictures first with my small printer then my big one. I decided I don't like the print quality with the inexpensive paper I have and used the sample HP paper--now I need to go get some HP paper for the small printer...quite a difference. I also tried printing from the one digital card but for some reason the printer isn't reading the card, at least not today. I've about decided it's something about the one gig cards because after so many pics, the machines have problems reading the cards though there's still space. This is my second one gig card and the second time it's not being recognized.

So here it is nearing 9:30p and I'm trying to decide if I want to try to accomplish something else or just call it a night and head off to bed....

Ever have one of those days....

...where it seems like everything is crap. Sad thing is in the grand scheme of things it's all insignificant but together is disheartening (at least to me).

Wish I were there...

Dreaming of a Vacation....

It's only the third of February and already I'm dreaming of a vacation. Time when I can get away from the every day routine and escape from reality. Time when I can leave responsibility behind for a while and not have to worry about things like work. I almost feel guilty about wanting such a thing considering I had two and a half weeks off at the end of the year. But currently I am ready to get away...or maybe just hide away.

...

So I haven't accomplished a great deal today. I managed to get some laundry done. I also watched a couple of movies; That Thing You Do with Tom Hanks, Liv Tyler and Tom Everett Scott (who is a cutie) and then Griffin and Phoenix with Amanda Peet and Dermot Mulrooney (another cutie) so that should account for something. I'm thinking chances good are I'll be doing a whole lot more nothing the rest of the evening (because the Superbowl doesn't hold any interest for me). And I've decided there's nothing wrong with that! I guess I making up for all the times I've been out running the roads. Suddenly I'm content to just stay home and veg on the couch...not read or do other things, just veg.

YUCK

That pretty much describes the day when I got out of bed...which was just before 8am. I knew better than to go back to sleep or just lounge. I am determined today will be more productive than last Sunday--of course just how productive remains to be seen. But with that in mind I threw on some clothes and went to WalMart (because I was too lazy to go last night when I got in) and an hour and fifty bucks later I was out and on my way home when I realized I forgot one of the main things I was going for. Just another reminder that I need to start making and using lists!

For Tim...

It's not Mardi Gras in New Orleans but it will have to do for now. I have a fun picture of you from SWASFAA in New Orleans several years ago in a tux and a mask...it was the same night 'Bubba' bought several of us boas on Bourbon Street and you saw us later that night in all our glory-Bubba included-walking down the street waving our boas. (I'll try to find that pic and post it...)

Two Weeks Ago...

It was nasty and rainy and very, very cold...and Nicole and I were in Galveston hunting ghosts in the historic Strand district. (She's a very good friend to be out in that weather!)

It was a fun night--could have been more fun if it hadn't been so cold. I would love to go back when the weather is a bit milder.