Can't decide....

While hurt I can't decide if I'm more angry or numb over the events of Friday. It's one of those situations where you do everything or almost everything and yet it still isn't enough. Because someone didn't get what they wanted suddenly I'm the bad guy and false accusations are made. And I'm left wondering about my future. I guess it's time to start to job hunt and this is where the anger comes in. If leaving appears to be the best option, it's still somewhat on their terms...because I've been forced. I want to leave on my own terms....and I'm not feeling ready to leave despite the turn of events. And so I am angry and numb-hurt. And I think of numerous friends and colleagues because events of the past few months have not been good. So many of my friends have lost their job and those who haven't are seeing writing on the wall and are (undrestandably) nervous. No matter how you look at it, it's not a pretty picture. I thought living on pins and needles was behind me but apparently I was terribly, terribly wrong. It's as though I'm in a vicious circle and as soon as it appears I'm about to get out, the vortex sucks me in again. It's been and ugly weekend.....